If you’re a woman who wants to understand men better, applying these insights will make you seem like a unicorn. You’ll be able to magically intuit and understand some of your man’s deepest needs before he even knows them. You will also begin feeling much more ease in dating and relationships.
Without further ado, here are eight things women need to know about men.
1. It’s difficult to overcome social conditioning to cry in front of you.
Most men have worked so long, and so hard, at pushing away our sadness that we often can’t even feel it until it hits the breaking point. The nature of repression is that it happens automatically, far below conscious awareness. It’s something the mind and body have learned to do on their own, and it’s very hard to override.
2. Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to perform sexually.
Call it social conditioning and/or evolutionary hardwiring, but our default sense of manhood is massively tied to our sexual performance with women. In the same way that we want to manage your perceptions of us by controlling our emotions, and not crying, we’re also obsessed with your approval and validation in the bedroom.
3. Men will still be attracted to other women, but it doesn’t mean anything.
This is a common point of contention in monogamous relationships. So much pressure is created when either person pretends that they shouldn’t be attracted to other people anymore.
Even the most evolved, loyal man on the planet, who is in a monogamous relationship, will get aroused by other women. He would never cheat, or cross any boundaries, but he is still captivated and energized by the feminine in its many forms.
Now, to be clear, aroused doesn’t mean that if he takes a passing glance at an attractive woman that he’ll get an immediate erection and wish he was with her and not you.
4. Give men time to transition their mind when they get home.
Most men need space and stillness to adjust and be fully present in a new setting. Especially if we’re returning home from a high-stress or high-stimulus environment, like the workplace, it can take at least 15 minutes to “arrive” and switch gears to let everything go from the workday.
If you crowd him a little too soon, he may give off a cold, distant energy. It’s because he subtly feels overwhelmed and intruded upon. He wants to connect with you, he just needs a little time. After a little reset, he’ll be able to hold space and listen, make conversation, and be more available for physical connection.
5. Men either see you as a goddess of feminine essence, or a distraction that keeps him from his work.
Not every man knows it, but the most important aspect of his life is his mission and purpose.
When he’s on his path, he feels a flow of love and worship towards his woman. But when he feels stifled and distracted (even when it’s his own fault) those feelings will flip to resentment and repulsion. He will project his dissatisfaction with his relationship to his work on to you, even when you’ve done nothing to intentionally distract him or sway him from his center.
6. Men fear relationship commitment because they value freedom above all else.
It takes a ton of inner work to masterfully manage long-term relationship. This is particularly difficult for men, because of their deep inner longing for freedom.
Without strong boundaries and a lot of self-awareness, relationship will always feel like a bit of a risky trap, which might hold him back and make him feel constricted, and fearing it will ultimately have a negative impact on his life.
It’s natural for women to want a bit more connection and quality time than their man does.
7. Men are afraid of women because of their immensity.
Feminine energy can be all consuming to a man who isn’t grounded in his masculine core. Being in relationship can actually feel like he’s being swallowed whole.
Men want to please you (though, perhaps too much). We want your warmth. We want your love. You bring such beauty and lightness to our lives. And we need that connection. But that’s why we might ultimately fear relationship commitment: because we have experienced our own tendencies to defer to you and lose ourselves in the relationship.
8. Only a man in his full power will be able to be with you in your full power.
If a man has not spent time integrating his relationship to his masculinity, he will not fully be able to be with you without projecting his fears and shadow onto you. Only a man who has done his work of transitioning from boy to man will be able to handle a woman in her full power.
To be with a powerful, fully expressed woman, a man needs to be able to stand tall and use his voice. He needs to be in touch with his fluctuating needs, his life’s mission, and be strong enough in his masculine core to speak up and honor them.
Sometimes, this self-expression will inevitably lead to conflict, or a clash of desires. And he has to be able to handle the temporary discomfort of communicating through these moments to reach a resolution.